Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
