I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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