First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sext me about skeletons
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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