the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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