Say something about gay babies.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
