i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
