a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
