i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
