I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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