My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
