i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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