Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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