At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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