: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can text with my tongue
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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