Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
