would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
time to smoke my breakfast
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
