My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm like, not good at living.
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