i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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