your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
