dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
wow bdsm is so cute
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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