I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
