that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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