Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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