I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
