so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
