that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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