I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think my moral compass just broke
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
