I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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