yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
