I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
