never play flip cup with pint glasses
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
