Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
