woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
