He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
