Umm I'm too high to move.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
