We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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