Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
