the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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