so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
