I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
