How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
