Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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