Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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