found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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