Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
