weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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