Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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