Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
