Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I didn't shave. On purpose
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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