You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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